Who's that girl?

I try to get along with everyone, but it seems that I'm just the type of person that is forgettable. I'm the quiet type and often times I'm skipped over because of it. I'm not one to say my feelings when I'm upset, this is why I get walked all over. I really don't like confrontation and this is my problem. I'm afraid that people will not like me. Often times people do not want to know what's going on inside my head. I'm a very cynical person...on the inside. I hate that I'm that way, but I just can't help it. I often get my feelings hurt when I don't feel included. I really don't have that many people in this world to really call my friends. I honestly don't think I'm a good person or friend. Is it because I'm so indecisive about everything? That most of the time I like to follow instead of lead? I really think I have some sort of depression because I just don't feel myself these days. I try exercising and eating differently, but I haven't really seen any results and it frustrates me. I hate being like this. I hate my whole body. It's just one massive blob of fat and I wish I could just cut it all off.

I honestly don't care what I say here because no one ever reads my blog anyways.

So when do I start being able to live life?

I know that I should post more often because then I get my thoughts out in the open. Lately, I've had a LOT on my mind and no where really to express those thoughts. Sometimes I just hate people so much that I wish that I could just up and move to the mountains or the countryside. It's like people are permanently living in high school.

I'm here, now what?

Well, it's been a really long time since I've made a post. Just haven't really felt like blogging lately. Now that I'm back at Yavapai it's time for some changes. Denny and I have been starting to workout. It's really nice to have someone there to push you and support you while you try to better yourself. Monday we do our assessments and we get to see what we're working with. My ultimate goal and even though it's a high goal and I know that I won't succeed in this goal this year, but this time next year I want to be at least 90 lbs lighter. I will feel so much better and have a lot more energy then I do now. I hope the same goes for Denny, he would be so much happier and he would be able to do a lot more than he does now. It excites me to think about what we will look like when we lose that much weight.
In other news, a new day, a new semester. The fall 2010 semester has started and it's going to be a great one. I have some great friends and I love hanging out with them. Sometimes though, my depression sinks in and I start having these stupid thoughts. I'd wish they would just go away. Sometimes I just feel so alone. Like I have no one. Yeah I have Denny and I thank God for him every day, but I can't shake this feeling. Like I don't belong anywhere. I hate feeling like this, but I'm always paranoid that no one likes me. I just don't fit in. Ok another topic.
In April, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It means that I have multiple cysts on my ovaries which is caused by a hormonal imbalance. Which explains a lot. Weight gain, irregular periods and increased hair growth are the main symptoms of PCOS. I had an ultrasound which confirmed that I have it. My doctor put me on Ortho-Novum 1/35 which is given to women often to treat PCOS. He also told me that I will probably have a hard time getting pregnant when Denny and I want to start having kids, because PCOS is the main cause of infertility. That came as a disappointment to me. I've always wanted children. I guess you could say it's one of my goals in life, to become a mother. It would really devastate me if I'm not able to have them.
Well, I'm going to sleep now. It's pretty late. Hopefully I'll keep up this blog with how I'm doing on my workouts and stuff like that. Good night world.

~Robin

The Mrs.

It's been a little more than a week. People keep asking me if I feel any different and I tell them the same thing. lol Things are just basically the same. It's just a legal term. Haha! Instead of being a Miss, I'm now a Mrs, which is pretty weird now. My mom asked me if I was going to hyphenate my name, but I'm not going to because that's just too much to write! lol I have noticed that we don't fight as quite often. Well, we still fight, but not so much now. Not much to say right now, so will write next time...if I feel like it.

Marriage.

I've never really been scared about marriage. I have been ready for quite a while now. In less than 48 hours, I will be married. Of course I went through the usual questions. Which is quite normal for a bride to have wedding "jitters" as everyone says. Though I am disappointed that my parents and family won't be there. I had always pictured getting married at Gano. Walking down the isle in a pretty gown with all my friends and family happily looking on. Not to say that getting married in Las Vegas is bad or anything, but call me old fashioned. It seems impossible to get both of our families together. Since all of my friends and family are in Kentucky and most of his family is here in Arizona. It would cost so much money that we don't have. I'm hoping that I will be able to go to Kentucky in June to watch Tyler graduate High School. I also hope to have a little get together with all my friends and family. Basically a reception! Cake, punch, socializing, etc.
I have so many family members to meet. It seems like every time I turn around there's another family member I had no idea about. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a big family. I hope to meet all of them some day. :)
It's really hard to concentrate when you're watching Family Guy. This show is hilarious! Ok, my attention is slowly being drawn away from typing here. So I will write some more after I get back to school on Sunday night! Later days!


~Robin